Story Sample - Creating Setting

I've written a total of three novels. None of them are published or even close to being published. The first one isn't too bad, if I say so myself, but needs a lot of editing and revision. It was basically an exercise in writing. Get in the habit of writing and sticking with it. I'm proud of it, but I doubt it'll ever see the light of day. At least not in its current state.

The third novel I wrote is better. I haven't done a second edit yet but I think it has some potential.

The second novel is a total mess. I wrote it based on the idea of a friend. This second novel gave me something to do after I finished the first one but wasn't ready to start editing. I wrote this one by the seat of my pants and, for the most part, had no idea where I wanted to go with the story and it ended up being 110,000 words of mildly coherent plotting. Story development is still something I'm really working on.

This sample is taken from that second novel. While this novel as a whole will never ever work, I really liked parts of it and, if I ever get the energy, may go through and fix it.

Here's a 500-word excerpt of what I think is one of my better attempts at creating a setting.

---

Cold air enveloped the riders they trekked across the Wind River Mountains. For three days they’d journeyed through snow and wind and across partially frozen streams, water splashing and freezing in the thick coats of the horses. Snow clung to their parcels and bodies like intrepid stowaways bent on completing their own secret quest independent of rider’s intent. The horses snorted smoked breath from their nostrils and the men shot blasts of hazy air out of their mouths so that when all of beast and man breathed in concert they looked like the mechanical creations of a mad toy maker spewing exhaust as their inner machinery powered their movements.

Winter was working its way to the mountains earlier than the riders anticipated, stunting their progress and delaying their arrival at the cabin. The snow fell thicker with every mile and the air grew more chilled each night. The horses were already dragging their hooves through the powdered terrain and it wouldn’t be long before they would no longer be able to lift their fetlocks above the snowline. The mule’s short legs already resembled the locomotive action of a train engine as it kicked through the thickening accumulation. If the snow didn’t relent before the men made it to the cabin they would be at risk of getting trapped on the side of the mountain.

There was nothing that could be done about the situation. Too much was at stake to turn around and neither of the riders were willing to entertain the idea of retreating. So the riders wrapped themselves in layers of coats and wrapped scarves around their faces and pulled their hats low so the only skin exposed was a line across the eyes for the riders to look out into the white and rough landscape. They rode on in silence. The horses, unaccustomed to such a stark change in climate, wore thick and heavy blankets under their saddles that the riders switched out at night to ensure the blankets were always dry. At night the men would dig out the snow and build a fire and the animals and riders would huddle around the flames in strange communion.

Even for the most experienced of travelers it was a miserable existence. And although a man could continue living such an existence for a long time there were very few who would do so willingly unless a great reward awaited at the end. But these two riders knew not what they were to be rewarded with at the end of their journey. The possibilities were too numerous to count and in the infinite white isolation that surrounded them madness was always waiting at the door to be ushered in. 

Whenever one of the riders was careless enough to allow his mind to wander towards the future he would reign it in with a chain around the thought and pull it back down into the recesses of knowledge so the fear of the unknown couldn’t creep into his soul and begin its silent work of untying the delicate strings that held his nerves together. Reckoning would come soon enough. At some point they’d be forced to confront that future unknown. Not now. Now was a time for motion. Understanding was still a distant and abstract concept in this snowy wilderness.